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Word Brothel has 334 articles published.

Doctor Strange’s Cloak To Be First Openly Gay Character In Marvel Cinematic Universe

By: Allie Rubin LOS ANGELES, CA—Marvel Studios is further whetting fans’ appetites for the currently untitled fourth Avengers movie by promising that the film will feature the franchise’s first openly gay character: Dr. Strange’s cloak. “We previously assumed that gay people only liked musicals and Timothée Chalamet films,” confessed Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios, at a recent press conference. “However, new market research has revealed that homosexuals do indeed like all kinds of movies. As such, we are delighted to announce that the next Avengers film will feature Dr. Strange’s cloak as the MCU’s first openly gay character.” “For… Keep Reading

Neighborhood Kids Find Treasure Map In Attic, Completely Miss Stack Of Porn

By: Jack Ritchey PORTLAND, ME—The town of Portland Maine has seen several financial hardships over the past year. With many homeowners defaulting on loans, one developer threatens to tear down a residential stretch of the city’s east side and convert it into a Jimmy Buffet themed hotel. The town’s future looked pretty grim, but sources have confirmed this week that a group of neighborhood friends have found an old treasure map in Tommy Mueller’s attic and set out on a hunt, all talking over each other, anxious to follow the clues and find a hidden treasure that could save their… Keep Reading

Study Finds Strong Correlation Between Drinking Coffee And Everyone Knowing When You’re Taking A Dump

By: Jeff Sweatly A cup of joe in the morning is essential to maintaining the constitution necessary for morning commutes, water cooler conversations, afternoon meetings, and bitchin’ happy hours. That steamy cup of hot bean water is what fuels America and effectively why we as Americans run on Dunkin. This beautiful caffeinated concoction, however, may also be the cause for some embarrassment according to a recent study conducted by the Browning Institute. As it turns out, 4 out of every 5 people know exactly what you’re doing in the bathroom, provided they witness you consuming a cup of coffee. The… Keep Reading

Stay Informed Without Uncle Sam Gettin’ Wise

By: Ross Childs NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, USA — Congratulations, you finally did it! You cut up your driver’s license, burned your social security card, and grew a cabin-in-the-deep-woods beard – you’re finally ready for life OFF THE GRID! No longer will the government have its filthy, conniving, tax-soaked tentacles all wrapped up in every aspect of your life like the Hentai Porn you enjoy so very secretly. But in this day and age, information is power, and you want to stay informed – hell, you NEED to stay informed. How else do you stay ahead of the black… Keep Reading

Guy Singing Meatloaf At Karaoke Might Actually Be Meatloaf

By: Jack Hutsey EDWARDSVILLE, IL—Chatters Bar and Grill in Edwardsville, IL has been the home of “Conceal and Karaoke” Thursdays for the past eight years. Patrons run the gamut of typical karaoke songs from Whitney Houston to Journey to Taylor Swift to the occasional Radiohead (Jeremiah Wheatley absolutely slays Paranoid Android). This past Thursday, the Chatters crowd was served with something categorically different. “Some guy was up there. He did a decent job with ​Paradise by the Dashboard Light​,” Ann Krankenheit said, who usually sticks to falsetto Beyonce. “But then he just stayed up there.” The mystery singer sang five… Keep Reading

Micro-Organisms Discovered In Mattress Can Confirm Woman Is Faking Orgasm

By: Skyller Tritch Burlington, VT—Scientists from all over the world have convened this weekend for a conference to discuss a highly controversial new chemical that allows the human ear to hear the thousands of micro-organisms living in our mattresses. Their discovery shows the organisms only have one topic on their mind: Carl Sheen’s never made his girlfriend cum. The origins of the homogeneous mixture of the new substance are still unknown, but head researcher at Vermont College of Medicine, Dr. Paul McNair, 55, went on record claiming science has never before seen a chemical compound this beneficial to society: “A… Keep Reading

‘My Life is Ruined’ Says Man Promoted To Highest Court Of The Land

By: Steve Plock Washington, D.C.—The Senate Judiciary Committee’s special hearing on the sexual assault claims of Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was a rigorous day full of painful recollections, intense questioning, and privileged white male tears. Ford’s testimony was a brave and powerful act of patriotism, likely to empower women of all ages to deal with their own issues of daily abuse and assault more adeptly. However, it was Kavanaugh’s opening statement that likely forced Americans to reckon with consequences that come with accusing a rich, privileged white man of his past crimes. “My life is… Keep Reading

Lightning Bug Crushed While Flashing ‘I Come In Peace!’

By: Mike Maxwell Door County, WI—For the last time this Summer, the annual Reynolds family reunion settled on the Midwest’s Malibu, Door County Wisconsin. Generations have taken to the resort village in the twilights of summer to water ski, grill, and stay up late into the night while trying to simplify life. For the last time this Summer, the young generation of Reynolds hit the lake dock with a new found confidence and awareness to their parents sabbatical from enforcing manners. As the moonlight glazed the lake, the shrieks of seven kids under the age of six shot the nearby… Keep Reading

Perfectly Innocent Man Says No To FBI Investigation

By: Nick Scutti Washington, D.C.—A perfectly innocent man, nominated for the position of Justice of the United States Supreme Court, has said no to allowing the FBI to investigate allegations that he has sexually assaulted multiple women. The innocent man, who has insisted several times during a long hearing with members of the Senate that he is innocent, declined to give Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) an affirmative answer as to whether he would agree to an investigation that should be able to prove the innocence he claims to be bestowing. “…if you… turned to … this committee and say for… Keep Reading

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