Baby Boomers Confident They Can Ruin Two More Elections

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By: Mike Maxwell

A recent Gallop Poll showed that an overwhelming majority of American’s are eager to vote ahead of social progress, fiscal responsibility, and bettering the world they inherited. Leading the charge once again in the push for political dominance is the wrecking ball of accountability, Baby Boomers.

Since 1980, Baby Boomers have cast the most votes in national and state elections. Columbus Ohio native Boomer Ellen Haines said, “There’s nothing more exciting than voting! Our generation created the ‘do as I say not as I do’ mantra, and these entitled kids can take my social security check from my cold, chapped, pruned hands!”

Citizens may see electing Reagan and Trump as bookends to the Baby Boomers run at parking a dumpster fire in the Oval Office, but wait, they’re not done yet.

Retired electrician Chuck Howard has taken electoral matters into his own hands. “Voting is important. Paying taxes are important. Taxing other people more than you, is very important. That’s why I’ve bought a Groupon for those party bus things and we’re circling the four senior centers in our area to shuttle these shuffling voters to the booth! Victory celebration at Culver’s!”

Head Librarian, Connie Walsh has seen decades of elections in her library. “The key thing to remember is to let the progressives chatter and tweet all they want. The last time they visited a library was when Encyclopedia Brown was still solving mysteries and Pizza Hut was pushing Book it! Us Boomers can literally tune out all the hype on so-called progress. We show up like we do every other day to the library, and punch our ticket to ride off into the sunset with what remains of Medicaid and Social Security.

Counter movements are well on their way and Americans are jumping on board to elect someone who can acknowledge Earth is melting and that maybe just maybe we should hold gun owners to the same standards of lawn dart owners. Millennials and Gen Xers are banding together, finding common ground and shifting the focus of real issues.

56% of possible voters are Millennials and Gen X. While holding the simple majority is encouraging, they know if this was the antiquated educational system their grandparents set up, it would still be a failure.