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Phish Plays 27 Minute National Anthem At Boston Red Sox Game

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By: Maximilian Stolte BOSTON, MA—Yesterday the Red Sox played the Angels and Phish phans everywhere rejoiced as the band was in attendance to watch the team and perform their rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner”, or for newbs to the music scene, “The National Anthem”. The crowd was both perplexed and upset when the cover of this beloved song not only included heavy improvisation on guitar, a 3 minute drum solo, an a cappella section, and the use of a vacuum cleaner as an instrument, but also lasted 27 minutes. Music and baseball fans alike agreed that the jam band…

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Logan Square Artist Explodes After Failing To Mention Gallery Every Ten Minutes

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By: Ross Childs CHICAGO, IL—Tragedy descended upon Logan Square today as local artist, Robrick Lovebridge, burst into a cloud of pink mist after going more than ten minutes without mentioning his latest art gallery. Lovebridge, born Krendall Flerbidge, is a self-proclaimed “master performance artist” who recently opened a performance art gallery in the empty guest room of his friend’s apartment above a coffee aerosol bar. The gallery, titled “Wander-ful Strife” featured Lovebridge brushing his teeth with a buck knife while humming the South African National Anthem, with his roommate eating popcorn from a trash bag. Since opening the gallery one…

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Obituary: FACE, The Original Host Of Nick Jr., Dead At 51

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Dutifully written by: Patrick Webb The on-air mascot was found dead in his studio apartment in Van Nuys of an apparent, accidental overdose. Born and raised in Orlando, FL, FACE struggled as a working actor through the late 80’s and early 90’s doing the occasional regional theatre until booking his dream roll as the “face” of Nick Jr. in 1994. He starred in over 400 on-air promotions for the network until 2004 when he left the company to try to break into film. After losing the role of the titular lead in the 2008 film Hancock to Will Smith, FACE…

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FOX Cancels Happiness

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By: Zack Peercy Los Angeles, CA—Continuing the string of recent cancellations including Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Last Man on Earth, and The Mick, FOX has now cancelled Happiness after a brief broadcast between winter and mid-spring. Happiness popped up only a few weeks ago, when the sun began setting later and the weather warmed up. It seemed like everyone was talking about it: hipsters wearing New Coke t-shirts at outdoor cafes, your cool aunt smoking in the park, poets with published chapbooks walking their dogs, incessantly on their social media. Unfortunately, the uneducated swine at FOX, hellbent on destroying anything that gives…

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Can We Guess Which Pirates of the Caribbean Film You Lost Your Mouth Virginity To? [QUIZ]

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Can We Guess Which Pirates of the Caribbean Film You Lost Your Mouth Virginity To? By: Zack PeercyWe’ve all been there: fooling around with that guy who was really into the Pirates of the Caribbean films. Maybe you were in a movie theater, maybe it was just on TV in the background, but you definitely popped your mouth cherry to an installment in the Pirates franchise. And by answering these ten questions, we at Word Brothel can guess which one and what that says about you. Drink up me hearties, yo-ho!  Start Quiz Question Your answer: Correct answer: Next You…

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Which Paul Stanley Side Project Are You? [QUIZ]

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Which Paul Stanley Side Project Are You? Over the years, beloved Kiss member Paul Stanley has graced the world with many side projects outside of painting his face and singing and strumming along with the greatest rock band of all time. It goes without saying that a true Kiss fan would have to know, and know NOW, which one of those side projects they are the physical embodiment of by answering some questions online. What are you waiting for? Get started! Start Quiz Question Your answer: Correct answer: Next You got {{SCORE_CORRECT}} out of {{SCORE_TOTAL}} SHARE YOUR RESULTSShareTweetPinEmail Your Answers…

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Family Plans Vacation Same Weekend As String Cheese Incident In Town A-Fucking-Gain

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By: Maximilian Stolte ATLANTA, GA—This spring, as countless families flee south for vacation to escape the cold winds of the north, one family in particular was looking forward to a little site seeing, rest and relaxation. What was waiting for the Watts family was anything but relaxing. For the third vacation in a row, the Wattses booked their hotel in close proximity to a String Cheese Incident show. James Watts, father, golfer, and CPA, says he could tell before even checking in to the hotel that yet another relaxing stay would be ruined. “I could smell the marijuana in the…

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This Pinky And The Brain Fan Theory Will Bend Your Childhood Over Backwards, Destroy Your Grasp On Reality

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By: Maximilian Stolte It’s there, sitting right in front of us this whole time. Pinky and The Brain: two mice who are self-proclaimed by the title as “a genius” and “insane”. Less astute viewers would fall for the misdirection and believe that The Brain is the genius and the doofus Pinky is insane. That assertion couldn’t be further from the truth of what the geniuses behind this show had in mind. As the theme song lyrics state, one of them is a genius and the other insane. Since The Brain tries to take over the world every night of his…

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Movie Explosions Form Union After Unfair Treatment From Michael Bay

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By: Ross Childs HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a series of shocking accusations of mistreatment and unfair pay were levied against Michael Bay, several movie explosions have formed a union to hopefully get the famed director to agree to more equitable conditions. Bay employs hundreds, if not thousands, of Hollywood’s most notable fiery explosions, but even the hardest working boom-booms have turned out in support. “It’s a crying shame,” Demolition Dale, one of the gas truck explosions from Bad Boys 2 said in a recent comment, “folks try to downplay our roles as ‘flash in the pan,’ but we literally blow our asses…

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