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FOX Cancels Happiness

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By: Zack Peercy Los Angeles, CA—Continuing the string of recent cancellations including Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Last Man on Earth, and The Mick, FOX has now cancelled Happiness after a brief broadcast between winter and mid-spring. Happiness popped up only a few weeks ago, when the sun began setting later and the weather warmed up. It seemed like everyone was talking about it: hipsters wearing New Coke t-shirts at outdoor cafes, your cool aunt smoking in the park, poets with published chapbooks walking their dogs, incessantly on their social media. Unfortunately, the uneducated swine at FOX, hellbent on destroying anything that gives…

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Can We Guess Which Pirates of the Caribbean Film You Lost Your Mouth Virginity To? [QUIZ]

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Can We Guess Which Pirates of the Caribbean Film You Lost Your Mouth Virginity To? By: Zack PeercyWe’ve all been there: fooling around with that guy who was really into the Pirates of the Caribbean films. Maybe you were in a movie theater, maybe it was just on TV in the background, but you definitely popped your mouth cherry to an installment in the Pirates franchise. And by answering these ten questions, we at Word Brothel can guess which one and what that says about you. Drink up me hearties, yo-ho!  Start Quiz Question Your answer: Correct answer: Next You…

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Which Paul Stanley Side Project Are You? [QUIZ]

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Which Paul Stanley Side Project Are You? Over the years, beloved Kiss member Paul Stanley has graced the world with many side projects outside of painting his face and singing and strumming along with the greatest rock band of all time. It goes without saying that a true Kiss fan would have to know, and know NOW, which one of those side projects they are the physical embodiment of by answering some questions online. What are you waiting for? Get started! Start Quiz Question Your answer: Correct answer: Next You got {{SCORE_CORRECT}} out of {{SCORE_TOTAL}} SHARE YOUR RESULTSShareTweetPinEmail Your Answers…

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Family Plans Vacation Same Weekend As String Cheese Incident In Town A-Fucking-Gain

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By: Maximilian Stolte ATLANTA, GA—This spring, as countless families flee south for vacation to escape the cold winds of the north, one family in particular was looking forward to a little site seeing, rest and relaxation. What was waiting for the Watts family was anything but relaxing. For the third vacation in a row, the Wattses booked their hotel in close proximity to a String Cheese Incident show. James Watts, father, golfer, and CPA, says he could tell before even checking in to the hotel that yet another relaxing stay would be ruined. “I could smell the marijuana in the…

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This Pinky And The Brain Fan Theory Will Bend Your Childhood Over Backwards, Destroy Your Grasp On Reality

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By: Maximilian Stolte It’s there, sitting right in front of us this whole time. Pinky and The Brain: two mice who are self-proclaimed by the title as “a genius” and “insane”. Less astute viewers would fall for the misdirection and believe that The Brain is the genius and the doofus Pinky is insane. That assertion couldn’t be further from the truth of what the geniuses behind this show had in mind. As the theme song lyrics state, one of them is a genius and the other insane. Since The Brain tries to take over the world every night of his…

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Movie Explosions Form Union After Unfair Treatment From Michael Bay

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By: Ross Childs HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a series of shocking accusations of mistreatment and unfair pay were levied against Michael Bay, several movie explosions have formed a union to hopefully get the famed director to agree to more equitable conditions. Bay employs hundreds, if not thousands, of Hollywood’s most notable fiery explosions, but even the hardest working boom-booms have turned out in support. “It’s a crying shame,” Demolition Dale, one of the gas truck explosions from Bad Boys 2 said in a recent comment, “folks try to downplay our roles as ‘flash in the pan,’ but we literally blow our asses…

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Jesus Christ’s TOP TEN TUNEZ For The Coming Apocalypse

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  By: Ross Childs ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE, USA — For millions of people on Earth, the first Sunday of April marks Easter, the celebration of The Resurrection of one Jesus Harriet Christ. This year, however, humanity is in for an Easter like no other as Christ himself returns to fight the Antichrist and his billion-strong demon horde for the ultimate smackdown: The Biblical Apocalypse. In preparation for the ACTUAL war to end all wars (Suck it, World War One), Jesus “Ready Savior One” Christ has given us the gift of badass tuneage on two stone tablets with built-in speakers. Here…

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Lindsey Vonn Fears Dancing With The Stars In Her Future

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By: Mike Maxwell Pyeongchang, South Korea – The world just witnessed the swan song of arguably one of the best skiers of all time, Lindsey Vonn. At the sad but true age of thirty three, her Olympic career is over. It’s a bittersweet time for the legend as she gave it all on the slopes experiencing championships, broken bones, and even a footnote relationship with Tiger Woods. Vonn currently stands with the highest Super Ranking of any skier and has confirmed her competitive skiing career is over. Now what? The road ahead for sports legends has a few paths to…

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Gateway Concert: Dave Matthews Band Could Lead Your Children To Dangerous Bands Like Phish

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By: Maximilian Stolte CHICAGO, IL—American rock band Dave Matthews Band, or as attendees of their seemingly benign concerts call them, “DMB”, is gearing up for their summer tour and once again unexpecting children will be exposed to the seeds of concert-going. On the surface, their concert events appear to allow fans to revisit nostalgic radio rock performed live by a wavering-voiced Dave Matthews. Below the surface and behind the clouds of one-hitter smoke lies something more sinister: a gateway to dangerous, life ruining jam bands like Phish or, heaven forbid, Dead and Company. Dave Matthews Band themselves aren’t entirely malevolent.…

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