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Best Of Johnny Carson DVD Box Set Infomercial Tops Late Night Ratings

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By: Mike Anichini BURBANK, CA—There’s a new king of late night, baby. Nielsen ratings for the week of Nov. 12th reveal the paid advertisement featuring the ‘Best Of The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson’ DVD box set surged to the top in viewership, beating Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers and others.   “It’s hard, he’s still the king,” said Colbert. “This infomercial snuck up on us, but it rules.” Ticking up from its previous 0.51 to a 0.53 rating in adults 18-49, the long-running Time Life ad has captured a new audience in younger millennials ages 18-26.…

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Marvel Already Announcing Stan Lee Reboot

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By: Darren D. Daly Unwilling to let a franchise die, even in the midst of Stan Lee’s passing, Walt Disney subsidiary, Marvel Studios, has made a major announcement about the future of its biggest moneymaker. Rather than taking a minute to mourn, they have instead released a teaser poster for the reboot of the beloved creator of such iconic characters as Spider-Man, The Hulk, and Mr. Candelabra. Working under the title Stan Lee: Again, indie movie writer/director Bo Burnham has already penned the first draft of Lee that producers are predicting will be the year’s best source of money. President…

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Opinion: Beto Is Better For Texas. Take It From Me, A Guy Who Hasn’t Watched That Many Blu-Rays

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By: A Guy Who Hasn’t Watched That Many Blu-rays FORT WORTH, TX—For seven months now, I’ve been following the surging candidacy of Beto O’Rourke in the 2018 Texas Senate Race. What a ride. After talking to family, friends and neighbors, most of whom typically vote Republican, I now believe Beto to be the better candidate. Take it from me, a tried and true Longhorn conservative who hasn’t watched many films on Blu-ray. As someone who had a friend’s Netflix password early on, I began to consider moving on from Ted Cruz and the GOP. I didn’t think America should be…

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Doctor Strange’s Cloak To Be First Openly Gay Character In Marvel Cinematic Universe

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By: Allie Rubin LOS ANGELES, CA—Marvel Studios is further whetting fans’ appetites for the currently untitled fourth Avengers movie by promising that the film will feature the franchise’s first openly gay character: Dr. Strange’s cloak. “We previously assumed that gay people only liked musicals and Timothée Chalamet films,” confessed Kevin Feige, president of Marvel Studios, at a recent press conference. “However, new market research has revealed that homosexuals do indeed like all kinds of movies. As such, we are delighted to announce that the next Avengers film will feature Dr. Strange’s cloak as the MCU’s first openly gay character.” “For…

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Guy Singing Meatloaf At Karaoke Might Actually Be Meatloaf

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By: Jack Hutsey EDWARDSVILLE, IL—Chatters Bar and Grill in Edwardsville, IL has been the home of “Conceal and Karaoke” Thursdays for the past eight years. Patrons run the gamut of typical karaoke songs from Whitney Houston to Journey to Taylor Swift to the occasional Radiohead (Jeremiah Wheatley absolutely slays Paranoid Android). This past Thursday, the Chatters crowd was served with something categorically different. “Some guy was up there. He did a decent job with ​Paradise by the Dashboard Light​,” Ann Krankenheit said, who usually sticks to falsetto Beyonce. “But then he just stayed up there.” The mystery singer sang five…

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President Clearly Never Seen A Single Episode Of VeggieTales

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By: Nicholas Scutti WASHINGTON, D.C.—At FaithCon, an interfaith convention in the nation’s capital, ministers, rabbis, and imams, among others, gathered to discuss President Donald Trump’s ethics and values, if he had any. After hours of debate, the members of the convention made a radical conclusion: that President Trump has clearly never seen a single episode of VeggieTales. “It makes a lot of sense when you think about it,” said Cardinal Christopher Jones, Vice President of the convention. “VeggieTales teaches us how to love and care for one another. It’s a well known fact that former president Jimmy Carter only started…

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Man Rides Out Frog In Throat To Improbable Karaoke Win

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By: Ben Gauwitz ELBURN, IL—In a heroic display of stamina and heart, Mark Springer, 37, won Eddie Gaedel Pub’s karaoke contest last Thursday. Springer, known around Gaedel’s as “Dinger,” is a tall man, humble in appearance with no real singing ability or talent. Despite that, he was able to overcome these obstacles and win the three round tournament among a sizable field of eight. Springer advanced through the first round with a zealous offering of Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” According to the host of the competition, everyone advanced to the second round. “Usually, we have a higher turnout, but the…

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Ben T Wood Comedy Festival [VIDEO]

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Chicago’s premiere music festival, Ben T Wood Comedy Festival, has all of your favorite names in comedy and networking opportunities galore! Check out the vapotorium in the DSW parking lot or the world’s largest game of zip zap zop!

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Fearless Council Of Male Comedians Forgive Louis C.K.

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By: Allie Rubin A group of brave, handsome male comedians convened a press conference following Louis C.K.’s surprise stand-up set at the Comedy Cellar on Monday to announce that they had finally deemed the comedian, 50, worthy of their forgiveness. “Too long has the world been deprived of Louis C.K.’s unique voice,” announced Josh Robertson, 28, who performs on the all-male Chicago indie improv team ‘Prostitots.’ “We believe that Louis’s nine months spent traveling in Europe have been adequate punishment for his minor indiscretions. We have carefully considered the situation and are thrilled to announce, on behalf of all male…

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Got ‘Em: Drumpf Must Resign After Improv Team Torches Him In Last Night’s Set

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By: Jack Hutsey CHICAGO, IL—Pack your shit, “President” Trump. We’d be surprised if Krumpf can even sit down after the scorching treatment Chicago improv troupe, Ben & Jerrymander, dished out in last night’s set. The veteran team of 24-year olds received the suggestion of “zucchini” and immediately went to work, drilling the Commander-in-Grief with wordplay and puns that would make William Shakespeare nut into a Dixie cup. “We were just on top of our game,” BJ Waters said. “I started a scene about gentrification, and J-Bone [Jacopo Dandelbaum] took it to a new place with his character, Cheeto Hands.” After…

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