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Meryl Streep Seen Throwing Away Plans For House Made Entirely Of Oscar Statues

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By: Ross Childs HOLLYWOOD, CA — Another Oscar night has come and gone, and many artists walked away with a coveted gold statue. One person, however, seems to have been snubbed by the awards again this year. Meryl Streep did not win for Best Actress this year, much to her chagrin, as she was seen disposing of plans to build a summer home out of Oscar statues in a Hollywood waste basket. Meryl Streep received the Best Actress nomination for her role opposite Tom Hanks in The Post: a 2017 Drama that my mom told me was good. This was…

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New Streaming Service Exclusively Features Blacklisted Hollywood Predators

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By: Madeleine Russell Chicago, IL – Netflix has top billing in the world of content streaming services, but a new competitor is about to debut. Amazon, who has already seen tremendous success with their streaming service through Prime, will be utilizing dozens of blacklisted hollywood sexual predators with it’s new streaming platform, Amazon Crime. After this year’s thundering #timesup presence at the Golden Globes, a growing number of entertainment perverts have found themselves with no voice, career, or power with which to wield over women’s bodies. This cesspool of unused, disgusting, shameful garbage is ripe with potential, according to Amazon…

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Turtles Speak Out: Forced Into Brotherwives Relationship By Master Splinter

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By: April O’ Neil New York, New York My name is April O’ Neil and I’ve spent the past 31 years investigating a polygamous, underground cult. As my career in journalism comes to a close, it’s time to hang up my yellow jumpsuit and bring the evidence I’ve collected out of the sewers and into the light. A half man/half rat has been keeping 4 teenage boys under his control. Master Splinter kidnapped the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and forced them to live in his underground sewer dungeon and become his brotherwives. Early on the boys were assigned roles in…

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5 Times The Crew From Jaws Accidentally Switched The Animatronic Shark With A Real One

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  • cb_jaws_shark_ll_130806_16x9_992.jpg?fit=992%2C558&ssl=1
    1. There was the time Lorraine Gary was eaten by a shark because of the crew's fatal mixup.
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    2. Then there was the time the first clone of Lorraine Gary was similarly eaten by an actual shark because the animatronic one was where the real shark was supposed to be and vice versa. Whoops!
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    3. One time it was just some menacing shark swimming B-roll being filmed, but it looked awful because the animatronic shark was being filmed instead of the real one. What a waste of everyone's time and studio money!
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    4. Who could forget the time that the second clone of Lorraine Gary was eaten? That's three different genetically identical Ellen Brody's in this single movie!
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    5. And no list of the number of times the crew from Jaws accidentally switched the animatronic shark with a real one would be complete without this instance. It's, of course, the time they planned a prank to scare the third clone of Lorraine Gary with the animatronic shark, which ended in her being eaten by an actual shark.

1. There was the time Lorraine Gary was eaten by a shark because of the crew’s fatal mixup. 2. Then there was the time the first clone of Lorraine Gary was similarly eaten by an actual shark because the animatronic one was where the real shark was supposed to be and vice versa. Whoops! 3. One time it was just some menacing shark swimming B-roll being filmed, but it looked awful because the animatronic shark was being filmed instead of the real one. What a waste of everyone’s time and studio money! 4. Who could forget the time that the…

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Future Gun-Hating Liberals Want For America

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10/22/2017 By: Jack McGovern The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie franchise is a nightmarish hellscape to most viewers, but what strikes fear in the hearts of most sane people is a utopian dream to nutbag liberals. The overarching theme of the movies is that, without guns, Americans will still brutally murder one another with chainsaws and then eat the bodies of the victims. This is the future that all who hate the second amendment pray for each night to their left-wing version of god (George Soros). The grisly murders committed by Leatherface are but a preview of what’s to come should…

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Oscar Nominees Who Didn’t Win Release Their Acceptance Speeches

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2/28/2017 Each year at the Oscars, America looks forward to hearing the nominees who win best actor/actress. Their speeches are so well written and delivered that they are both a reflection of their acting abilities as well as their personhood. Sometimes political, sometimes personal, oftentimes a perfect cross section of the two. Unfortunately for us, we don’t get to hear the speeches that were prepared by all of the nominees, just the winners…Until now! Ryan Gosling “There’s never a good way to objectively judge something as arbitrary as acting, but having said that, I’d like to say that Donald Trump…

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Orgy In Heaven: Catch Up With The Celebrities We Lost In 2016

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1/11/2017 2016 was a year marred by the loss of many beloved celebrities. In the wake of one of the most peculiar years for news on Earth, things have also gotten pretty weird upstairs in the kingdom of heaven. Every famous person who died last year is having sex right now. It goes without saying this orgy of historic proportions was probably initiated by none other than Prince and David Bowie, two infamous sex symbols that the mortal world lost this past year. When it comes to the wild fuckfest in the sky, our loss is their gain. It’s hard…

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Austin Powers in Goldmember is a Christmas Movie and Nothing You Say Can Disprove This Fact

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12/25/2016 By: Maximilian Stolte Each and every holiday season families the whole world round get together. We eat, drink, give presents, and most importantly watch classic Christmas movies. A Christmas Story, Elf, Home Alone, and The Grinch all come to mind when one thinks about holiday related cinema, but there’s one that is commonly overlooked: Austin Powers in Goldmember. I know what you’re going to say, so spare me. Just because a movie doesn’t center around holiday related activities does not mean it isn’t a Christmas movie. Let’s look at some of the facts in favor of my claim. In…

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