By: Shelby Dollartree
PARMA, OH—Allowing teams to court him for the past month, shortstop Tyler Garcia has set a new standard in the world of little league baseball. Receiving offers ranging from ice cream nights to post-game snack bags, he has finally signed with the Little Tigers for an unprecedented deal. “I thought and prayed on this for a long time and I had to admit to myself, my family, and my friends that I’m worth more than 1 or 2 pizza parties per season. I’m a 10-pizza party player,” said Garcia, 11, adding that he really likes pepperoni pizzas and thinks olives are gross.
Gaining minor recognition for his ability to hit balls all the way to the back fence, Garcia really made a name for himself around central Cuyahoga County for the amount of gum he can chew during a game. Armed with at least four packs of watermelon Bubblicious for every showdown, Garcia can chew upwards of five pieces at a time, packing it into his right cheek and giving his face the puffed up, swollen sneer that made greats like Babe Ruth into legendary icons.
A well-seasoned player and not a stranger to controversy, however, Garcia has made some speculate that the Little Tigers are taking a huge risk with the deal. Just last season he was ejected from a game after sticking his tongue out at an opposing pitcher. Others have hinted that he may also be juicing with RedBull before games. When approached for comment, Garcia seemed hyper, but not more hyper than any other 11-year old child.
As for his parents, they couldn’t be more proud. Having already been promised a piece of the pie, Mr. and Mrs. Garcia have been preemptively stocking up on RC Cola, because nothing goes with a piping hot piece of pepperoni pizza like and ice cold glass of RC Cola.