Logan Square Artist Explodes After Failing To Mention Gallery Every Ten Minutes

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By: Ross Childs

CHICAGO, ILTragedy descended upon Logan Square today as local artist, Robrick Lovebridge, burst into a cloud of pink mist after going more than ten minutes without mentioning his latest art gallery. Lovebridge, born Krendall Flerbidge, is a self-proclaimed “master performance artist” who recently opened a performance art gallery in the empty guest room of his friend’s apartment above a coffee aerosol bar.

The gallery, titled “Wander-ful Strife” featured Lovebridge brushing his teeth with a buck knife while humming the South African National Anthem, with his roommate eating popcorn from a trash bag. Since opening the gallery one week ago, Lovebridge has made it a point to work it into every conversation he has been involved in. However, when he was stuck in line at a Himalayan Salted Tea shop, he was unable to mention his work due to being drowned out by the manager’s Tibetan acoustic speed metal band playing over the speakers. Unfortunately, the need to talk about his gallery overwhelmed his central nervous system, and he exploded into a cloud of pink vaporized flannel. No one in line seemed to notice.

This unfortunate incident comes soon after the infamous “Pilsen Pop” when local ukulele musician Anthracent Milver burst into a pile of old ski caps during a Tinder date when he did not mention his album of ukulele covers of St. Vincent songs.

Tragic Art Historian and unspoken word poet, Laurel LAUREL Laurel, said, “Few physiologies are more fragile than that of the modern artist. One must devote a hefty amount of time to discussing their latest gallery, living statue dance troupe, or overly dramatic improv show. If they don’t, the pressure builds inside of them like a volcano until their bodies can no longer contain it, and they turn into an intense sarcastic bomb.”

Laurel went on to say that the next time an artist tells you about their pigs blood street graffiti exhibit, or their stilt-based interpretive dance about the history of the pepper trade, listen to them.

It might just save a life.