Word Brothel - Part 27

Spreading the word around…

Family Plans Camping Trip To Front Row Of Pitchfork Stage

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7/14/2017 By: Jason Elewski CHICAGO—It’s a time-honored tradition to sit your ass in front of the stage of your favorite headliner for the duration of an entire day at a summer music festival. It separates the fans from the super fans. Ready for the onstage reunion of LCD Soundsystem, super-duper fans, John and Ellen Strauss, aren’t leaving anything to chance this summer when it comes to seeing their favorite band perform. Fearing the possibility of standing in the back row with common casual fans, they have decided to pack up their two children and head 5 miles south for a…

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David Byrne Finally Caves on Talking Heads Reunion: “Only If I Can Have A Giant Head This Time”

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6/28/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte The moment all Talking Heads fans have been waiting for is finally here. David Byrne, who has held out on all attempts to reunite the band for a new creative endeavor or at least a tour, has caved. While he has stated before that bringing the band back together would be a creative step backwards, his tune has changed thanks to the band’s genius idea. What if instead of having a giant body and tiny looking head, the reverse was done? The band is known for innovative ideas and styles, but why it took them this…

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The Actor Who Plays Daniel Day-Lewis Announces His Retirement From The Character

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6/26/2017 By: Jason Elewski If someone were to ask you to name the greatest Hollywood character from the last century, there would be no dispute if your answer was Daniel Day-Lewis. So it comes a shock to the film industry and acting community that the actor behind the character Daniel Day-Lewis, Josh Galluccio, has announced his retirement. In perfect Galluccio form, the announcement was made just days after his character, Daniel Day-Lewis, announced his retirement from films. Praised for his commitment to the character for over 60 years, Josh Galluccio has accumulated a wealth of award-winning film credits as Daniel…

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Was The Grateful Dead’s Music Influenced By Drugs? Shocking New Evidence Suggests Yes

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6/20/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte Over 50 years ago, rock and roll innovators The Grateful Dead stepped on to the scene and, through improvisational jams and heavy touring, changed the music industry as we knew it. Once lauded as the most wholesome and family friendly band of their time, shocking new evidence shows that their music may have been influenced by the use of illegal drugs. While other bands and musicians were openly involved in drug culture, The Grateful Dead was all about the music. Rather than some after effect of heavy drug use, their music was the product of ideals…

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A Short List of Names You Shouldn’t Give Your Dog

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6/19/2017 By: Rebecca Velez So you got yourself a new pooch. The most important choice isn’t what kind of food to feed your little canine friend or what kind of collar, leash, and accessories to decorate your puppy pal in. No, the choice you must make now is what to name the little cutie. Well, that’s a choice you’re going to need to make on your own, but here are some things to NOT name them.   Daiquiri: Nobody will know how to spell your dog’s name. Vet’s will misfile your pup’s health records. You’ll get the answer to the…

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This Father’s Day Let Your Dad Know That You Need Money

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6/15/2017 By: Erika Hakmiller Its Father’s Day, which means you might be traveling home (expensive!) to spend the weekend with your dad (who literally does nothing but sit around in piles of money all day). So let’s remind him that you are a struggling artist just trying to make it in the big city. Just because it’s Father’s Day doesn’t mean you can’t get any gifts. Here are some pointers on how to let your dad know that, this Father’s day, you need cash. First, start off by being honest about how inconvenient this whole trip was for you. I mean,…

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Judge Has No Choice, Lets Murder Suspect With “Only God Can Judge Me” Tattoo Walk

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6/10/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte BIRMINGHAM, AL—Early this morning, following a lengthy trial before a jury of his peers, murder suspect Mark Coleman was found not guilty of all charges related to the murder of Jessica Barrington. Despite irrefutable evidence that Coleman was the murderer, during the closing remarks, information was introduced that would blow a giant hole in this case: Coleman has a tattoo that says “Only God Can Judge Me” on his forehead. On the final day of the trial, Coleman removed his signature baseball cap to reveal his tat. Judge Harrison Sharp was at a loss for words…

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Trump’s Phone Kept on a High Shelf During James Comey’s Testimony

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6/8/2017 By: Jason Elewski If anyone was eager to hear President Trump weigh in on today’s testimony of former FBI Director James Comey, they were met with a great deal of disappointment. Prior to giving a speech in Cincinnati, Ohio earlier today, Donald Trump’s famous Android phone was set atop a shelf that was just barely out of the president’s grasp, impeding his ability to rub out any tweets about Comey or his televised testimony. The phone was placed upon the highest shelf in the White House by a particularly tall secret service agent at the behest of Trump’s entire…

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We Made This Vegan Live With A Cow For A Week And By Friday He Was Ready To Eat It

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6/6/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte When we met Ollie Hendricks, what first occured to us was that he was vegan. We knew almost immediately because he was eating something and proclaimed, “It’s so good, AND it’s vegan. A lot of people think vegan food doesn’t taste as good, but they’re wrong.” He rambled on about it for longer than any of us had the patience to listen. At some point we caught him saying something about how poorly the meat industry treats cattle and thought, “Wouldn’t it be fun if we made this guy live with a cow for a week?”…

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Single Man Only Cleans Dirty Dishes Moments Before Using Them To Cook Again

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5/31/2017 By: Maximilian Stolte CHICAGO, IL—Early this morning, just before he enjoyed his breakfast, a single man named Jason Dimond cleaned just enough dirty dishes that had been sitting in his sink to cook his meal. The ever-filled sink of dirty silverware, plates, and bowls was momentarily relieved of some mess while he cooked and ate his meal. Promptly following his meal, however, the sink was just as full as before. Jason has been cleaning and using his kitchenware in this manner ever since the break up. There was once a time when his girlfriend would berate him with names…

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