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8 Things To Be Happy About In These Trying Times

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11/10/2016 The 2016 Election has caused upheaval and unrest across the 50 states as President elect Donald Trump prepares to take the most important position in our country and possibly the world. It may be hard for some to accept the fact that this controversial figure will be responsible for making policies that affect our everyday lives. We here at Word Brothel would like to offer a small beacon of hope with some things to be happy about during these most trying times. 8. Eggs Eggs are an excellent source of protein, they give us the strength we need to…

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7 Tattoos That People Immediately Regretted

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We all make mistakes in our teenage years and well into our twenties, but usually those mistakes don’t last forever. Well when you decide to immortalize those mistakes through ink on your skin, they can last a lifetime. Here’s a list of people who definitely regret their decisions. 7. Foot tattoos can be cute and fun. They’re easy to cover up for jobs, which this person can’t seem to hold on to. Maybe it’s all the unlistenably shitty dubstep she likes to play in the kitchen or her inability to keep from blowing half the staff at every restaurant that…

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Widespread Panic Tour Sponsored By Viagra: Response To Whiskey/Coke Dick Epidemic

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Jun. 2, 2016 For the past 30 years, Southern rock jam band Widespread Panic has toured the country and played sold out shows to fans ranging from drug induced hippies to whiskey fueled rednecks. In the wake of their shows they leave good times, memories, and a trail of drug and alcohol related erectile dysfunction the likes of which the jam band scene has yet to see. Armed with this knowledge, Pfizer has decided to sponsor the band’s upcoming tour and will be passing out Viagra samples outside of every show in every city. The drugs of choice for Spreadnecks…

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10 Zoo Animals That Should Have Been Shot Instead Of Cincinnati Gorilla

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May 31, 2016 The internet has been rushed with opinion about the fatal shooting of Harambe the silverback gorilla of the Cincinnati Zoo. Whether you believe that the gorilla was a benign caretaker for an otherwise neglected child or that the insane murder monkey was put down justly, we can all agree that these animals should definitely have been shot instead.     10. Anaconda Clearly an anaconda would have been a better death. First of all, they’re spooky and slimy, which is totally gross. Besides that, they can eat people and even animals bigger than themselves. That’s impressive and…

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White People, Stop Tanning! You’re Appropriating Culture In The Worst Way

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May 12, 2016 It happens every year. The sun comes out from its winter slumber and the Caucasian masses creep from their comfortable homes into the light and begin their assault on other cultures. Whether it be tanning in a bed and risking cancer or lying in the sun’s hot rays, white people will not stop until they appropriate the skin color of others. Now I know what you may be thinking: “Isn’t that natural? Doesn’t white people skin change tones throughout the year?” My answer to that is it doesn’t have to. By not wearing sunscreen, you are making…

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Drunk Man Beats Record Time On “Cruis’n World”, Convinced He’s Okay To Drive

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Apr. 5, 2016 A Tuscaloosa man by the name of Horace “Bubba” Greeley recently turned the local arcade game community on its head by beating the record time on every level of the popular game “Cruis’n World”. Not only did he break the record times by upwards of 3 seconds on each level, he did it all while he was shitfaced drunk. It was a normal Friday evening. Bubba and his chums were at The Wheelhouse Pub enjoying excess drink and various pub and arcade games. It was there that Bubba found his wheelhouse, arcade driving games. His precision in…

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Kurt Cobain Killed By The Illuminati, Confirmed

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Apr. 6, 2016 Yesterday marked 22 years since the world lost beloved grunge musician, Kurt Cobain. Angst-fueled teens and 30-something-year-olds look back and remember his contributions to the world of music and culture, but with a knowledge that was heretofore unknown: that Kurt Cobain was killed by The Illuminati. When one thinks of “The Illuminati”, they generally think of a secretive shadow organization that rules the world and for some reason can’t stop killing black musicians and pop culture icons. This is not the same Illuminati that was responsible for the death of Kurt Cobain. The Illuminati is masked in…

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Plenty of Phish Dating Site Is Making Waves

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Mar. 19, 2016 The online dating scene is becoming much more intuitive and Plenty of Phish is the ultimate testament to this. There is now a dating site for phans by phans; the new site has definitely made a splash in the lot scene. PoP matches users using a highly effective algorithm based on the things that matter most. Some sample questions are: Dip, dump, or boof? 1.0, 2.0, or 3.0? If we ran into Page after the show would you be down for a sad threesome? As one would imagine, the male to female ratio on the site is…

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Donald Trump Has Wall Built Around Him

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Mar. 6, 2016 GOP candidate Donald Trump may not be president…yet. That hasn’t kept him from enacting some of his proposed policies and plans a little early. This week he had a wall built around him to keep the rest of the country out. Trump is known for speaking his mind and not only talking the talk, but walking the walk. He’s created a utopia where the only citizen is the former best citizen of these United States: Donald Trump. Who can imagine a better place than one where there’s nothing but Donald J. Trump? He told press yesterday, “I’m…

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Progressive School Replaces “N” Word With “Black Guy” In Huck Finn

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Feb. 28, 2016 Mark Twain’s classic novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, is an important book in American history that challenged racism and the institution of slavery in the south. Unfortunately, the writer was quite the potty mouth and used the correct term for his time that is a big no-no today. That’s right, we’re talking about the “N” word. In Philadelphia this past December there was controversy surrounding the book once again. A school district banned the book from its curriculum and there was a big backlash from those who opposed the censorship. Now, in efforts to appease the…

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