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Roseanne Barr To Reprise Racist ‘Character’ At Thanksgivings This Week

By: Andy Frye The once-embattled 1980s comedienne Roseanne Barr is about to make a name for herself again. Hoping to capitalize on America’s rising family drama trends, and the very popular “Trump supporter relative” stock role at Thanksgiving last year, Barr has decided to embark on a nationwide tour this week to bring her controversial brand of humor directly to your family’s dinner table. Barr announced the tour this week, stating publicly, “C U at dinner, bitches!” while calling herself “Aunt Ambien” and “Tofurky liberals’ worst nightmare” via her Twitter account. Ms. Barr’s agent, Anson Heedler, says that former star… … Keep Reading

Sneaky Texting: 10 Phrases Your Dad May Be Using To Text About Weed

By: Steve Plock CHICAGO, IL — As recreational marijuana laws continue to be passed by states around the country, the nation’s dads are becoming increasingly more curious about getting their hands on some of this once stigmatized drug. In many states, recreational marijuana is still illegal so some dads are forced to use slang terms for marijuana when texting their friends. Keep your dad safe by keeping tabs on what he’s saying in his texts and instant messages. Here are the top 10 slang terms that today’s dads are using for marijuana: 10. Lawn Clippings – No matter who is… … Keep Reading

Dealing With The In-Law Family Tree

LECHEROUS ADVICE By: Lech Czerwinski How do I deal with my in-laws? -MarriedWithParents There we all were sitting and staring at each other. Everyone knowing damn well that the only reason we are sharing this holiday dinner is because someone on the other side of the family loves someone else on the other side of the family. And now we all gotta deal with that shit. Sometimes it’s cool. Sometimes. Like the time when your drunk cousin decided to free climb a 20-foot city light post in his tuxedo during the wedding photo shoot and we all had a good… … Keep Reading

6 Family Members That Aren’t Worth The Price Of A Plane Ticket Home

By: Jennifer Allman 1. The Drunkles, all of them. You don’t even know what Uncle Steve sounds like sober. No holiday is complete without his definitive “Hi-ho Silver!” before he slaps the rear-end of whoever is closest to him. Actually wait, yes–every holiday can do without this offense. 2. Your Mom when she asks “When are you giving me some god-damned Grandbabies?” She birthed you, clothed you, fed you, and put up with you insisting to cut your own hair from ages 10-20. Of course you should make an effort to visit this woman for the holidays. But if she mentions… … Keep Reading

Daughter’s New Boyfriend Ruins Annual Family Photo, Again

By: Jennifer AllmanMARIETTA, GA--“Who is that again?” “Is that someone’s neighbor?” “What on earth is he wearing?” It’s these questions Julia Kramer was determined to avoid as she organized her 14 immediate and extended family members into a tasteful composition for their annual Thanksgiving photo. Ms. Kramer intentionally handed her iPhone 4s to Thunder (her daughter, Trisha’s, new boyfriend).“I sure as heck am not going to have a repeat of last-year’s incident,” Ms. Kramer told us. “Not this year, no-sirree, no new boyfriend of Trisha’s is going to ruin our family photo!” she declared. Trisha Kramer has in fact, brought… … Keep Reading

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