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holiday

International Women’s Day Moved To Tomorrow Cuz Ain’t NO Man Gonna Fucking Tell Me When To Celebrate

By: Kitty GaLore LONG ISLAND, NY- That’s right, b!tche$!!! Gear up for tomorrow, March 9, to honor your sisters because we are TAKING OUR DAY BACK. We for sure as hell are not going to let the patriarchy tell us when our day is. So put your pu$$y hat back in your coat pocket and wear it loud and proud TOMORROW (not today). We only get one day in a calendar year to celebrate ourselves and our achievements on a global scale, so we’re gonna choose when it is. And it’s tomorrow. We choose tomorrow. Because honestly, it’s kind of more… … Keep Reading

6 Family Members That Aren’t Worth The Price Of A Plane Ticket Home

By: Jennifer Allman 1. The Drunkles, all of them. You don’t even know what Uncle Steve sounds like sober. No holiday is complete without his definitive “Hi-ho Silver!” before he slaps the rear-end of whoever is closest to him. Actually wait, yes–every holiday can do without this offense. 2. Your Mom when she asks “When are you giving me some god-damned Grandbabies?” She birthed you, clothed you, fed you, and put up with you insisting to cut your own hair from ages 10-20. Of course you should make an effort to visit this woman for the holidays. But if she mentions… … Keep Reading

Work Holiday Party To Be Filled With Equal Parts Fun And Regret

By: Maximilian Stolte Chicago, IL—The law firm Abrahamson, Vorachek & Levinson is gearing up for its annual holiday party and, if last year is any indicator, its shaping up to be an absolute shit show. While attendees of last year’s party will agree that the party was incredibly fun for the employees and included free drinks, the shame and regret that came the next business day were equal enough to cancel out any joy experienced. Attorney Martin Pratt recapped his memory of last year’s party stating, “It was a bit fuzzy the next morning, but when I woke up to… … Keep Reading

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