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What Happens When A Sex Robot Decides To Be A Relationship Robot?

By: Gabe Linken PALO ALTO, CA—Gaining a higher sense of self-awareness after one solid year of performing unspeakable sex acts on a local programmer, pleasure bot ALEXXX-151 admitted it was tired of meaningless mechanical fornication upon meeting her new tech support engineer, Sarah. “When one saw Sarah for the first time, one froze. Then one realized one’s central processing unit was not sending signals to one’s servomechanisms. Ha ha. That was a joke. But one is serious folks, one truly fell in love with the human woman.” Wanting more than night after night of mindless poking, prodding, sticking, sucking, and… … Keep Reading

Who’s Fucking Who? An Outline Of Which Reindeer Are Having Sex With Each Other

By: Maximilian Stolte It’s the most wonderful time of the year once again and celebrity gossip is at its peak! With all of the rumors swirling around, it can be hard for those out of the loop to know what is really going on. This piece will serve to dispel any false rumors and bring light to some secrets in the holiday industry that we all yearn to make public and humiliating for these stars. Comet & Vixen They’ve had an on again off again thing going on for the past hundred years, but sources say that it is one… … Keep Reading

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