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Little Leaguer Signs With Team For Unprecedented 10-Pizza Party Deal

By: Shelby Dollartree PARMA, OH—Allowing teams to court him for the past month, shortstop Tyler Garcia has set a new standard in the world of little league baseball. Receiving offers ranging from ice cream nights to post-game snack bags, he has finally signed with the Little Tigers for an unprecedented deal. “I thought and prayed on this for a long time and I had to admit to myself, my family, and my friends that I’m worth more than 1 or 2 pizza parties per season. I’m a 10-pizza party player,” said Garcia, 11, adding that he really likes pepperoni pizzas… … Keep Reading

Fat Coach Wants To See More Hustle

By: Mike Maxwell MORTON, IL–Boys’ Varsity Basketball season is off to a bit of a slow start this year. The Morton High Potters were just beat by twenty points in a non-conference game to, of all teams, the Glenwood Titans. Some speculate the sloppy play is due to it being the start of the season, or that they are kids, or even that there was a big Chemistry test that Friday morning. According to Coach Pauley, “That’s a load of horse crap, they’ve no heart right now! The kids need to show some more hustle!” Coach P. isn’t the first… … Keep Reading

Report: Professional Bowlers Still Miss Pins Somehow

10/26/2017 By: Jake Dierksheide Researchers at Duke University have published a paper that uncovers a shocking truth about professional bowling’s most elite competitors: that when rolling the ball down the lane they are, with frightening regularity, still managing to miss some of the pins. That’s right – despite spending large quantities of time practicing a sport enjoyed- and often excelled at- by people of all ages, there are multiple times per game that these players are not knocking over all 10 of the pins on the first try. The report is sure to revolutionize the way the sport is viewed… … Keep Reading

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