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Donald Trump Realizes He Never Switched Over From Obama’s Email Signature

By: Madeleine Russell Washington, DC – Thanks to his active twitter account, Donald Trump’s administration has been the most technically visible presidency in recent history. In his first 6 months of office, Trump pushed out over 1,000 tweets despite passing zero legislation. Considering the public’s unprecedented access to the president’s thoughts, it seems only natural that we would assume a base level of technical knowledge. But on Wednesday, March 6th of this week an lonely, unnamed White House staffers received an email from Donald Trump’s official white house account, but something was drastically wrong. “It still had Obama’s email signature… … Keep Reading

Donald Trump Just Asked The Entire U.S. Olympic Team To Come Back Home So That He Could Have His Own Opening Ceremony In Washington

By: Jason Elewski WASHINGTON DC—With the launch of 1,218 Shooting Star drones and Yuna Kim lighting the torch, the 2018 Winter Olympics began, uniting the world to bear witness to the majesty and beauty that people can create when they want to make one hell of a parade. Everyone watching the opening ceremony was undoubtedly impressed by the spectacle, but one viewer was left nearly speechless: Donald Trump. Having seen the ceremony on his bedroom television over a bucket of extra crispy KFC, Trump reportedly shook his index finger at the screen, screaming “whoa neato”, before picking up his phone,… … Keep Reading

Trump’s Gigantic Dick Is Extremely Impotent And He Doesn’t Have A Clue Whether Or Not To Call This Fake News

By: Jason Elewski WASHINGTON DC—Like a virus spreading illness through its host, #fakenews has infected the 24 hour news cycle. Incapable of deciphering the authentic from the fraudulent, Americans have turned to the nation’s most stable genius to tell them what can be trusted. Until now, president Donald Trump’s Twitter page has served as a Rosetta Stone of sorts, calling foul on bogus stories from phony institutions like the failing New York Times, stupid NBC, and poopy pants NPR. Unfortunately, we at Word Brothel, unable to discern what’s credible, have written this piece reporting that Donald Trump’s enormous monster dick… … Keep Reading

Trump Caught Kissing Mirror At Midnight

By: Madeleine Russel Washington, DC – Sunday night the streets of the nation’s capital rang with the dawning of a New Year.  Bars, clubs and homes enjoyed a rare celebratory evening away from their daily fools errand keeping the Trump ship afloat. White House Chief of Staff John Kelly said of his bare bones, scandal wary employees, “The President’s staff was given this night off to go drop the ball somewhere else.”  It’s only merciful after a full year of what has amounted to a group of 6th graders throwing a ball on top of the roof instead of playing… … Keep Reading

Donald Trump

Trump Pardons Whitest Turkey With Longest List Of Sexual Harassment Allegations And Civil Rights Violations

By: Maximilian Stolte Just as each president before him did, Donald Trump continued the tradition of granting a pardon to one turkey for this Thanksgiving holiday. In keeping with Donald Trump’s new pardoning tradition, the turkey pardoned was none other than George Wallace III. Beyond being the whitest turkey the president could find, this turkey also has a troubling past.   Recent allegations against this turkey for sexual harassment and assault number in the twenties. Many of the female turkeys either wished to remain anonymous or were murdered for Thanksgiving dinner (and to quiet them). “He was always commenting on… … Keep Reading

Why The Government Doesn’t Want You To Look Directly At The Solar Eclipse

8/20/2017 By: Brody Lefevre Since the dawn of man eclipses have had a profound impact on civilization. The celestial phenomenon has led to major scientific breakthroughs and influenced cultural change. Considering the political turmoil and shifting social dynamics of our current society, the upcoming solar eclipse could very well be the catalyst for a revolution. This possibility is such a cause for concern for our government that they have produced glasses and launched a fear campaign to keep us from staring at the eclipse and achieving spiritual enlightenment and evolving to the next plane of human intellect. Ancient cultures believed… … Keep Reading

Trump’s Phone Kept on a High Shelf During James Comey’s Testimony

6/8/2017 By: Jason Elewski If anyone was eager to hear President Trump weigh in on today’s testimony of former FBI Director James Comey, they were met with a great deal of disappointment. Prior to giving a speech in Cincinnati, Ohio earlier today, Donald Trump’s famous Android phone was set atop a shelf that was just barely out of the president’s grasp, impeding his ability to rub out any tweets about Comey or his televised testimony. The phone was placed upon the highest shelf in the White House by a particularly tall secret service agent at the behest of Trump’s entire… … Keep Reading

A Voice of Rationality! Creator of ‘Barack O’Hitler’ Meme Calls for Peaceful Transfer of Power

11/12/2016 The nation has fallen into turmoil following the results of the US general election on November 8. In trying times like these, social media almost always finds a source of optimism to lighten our collective mood. Last month, we found solace in the amiable crimson sweater of Kenneth Bone. Today, a new hero was born. At 4:19am, Craig Douglas took to Facebook in a plea for the peaceful transference of power. Douglas, a bank teller by day, is known best for his creation of the widely disseminated image depicting Barack Obama as some sort of Hitler-Demon. In his plea,… … Keep Reading

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