By: Jason Elewski
Braunau am Inn, Austria— Remember that cool pointy S that you loved to draw in middle school? As it turns out, Hitler loved to draw it too, you goddamn Nazi. Storage bidders in Austria, much like the stars of the A&E show Storage Wars, discovered a locker this weekend containing what appears to be family keepsakes previously owned by the parents of former Nazi frontman, Adolf Hitler. As if Hitler couldn’t be any more of a historic bummer, it appears he’s still harshing everyone’s vibe from beyond the grave. Discovered in a box labeled “Addie’s 5th grade stuff” were stacks of notebooks from Adolf’s school days. Littered within the notebooks’ pages were a ton of scribbles of that really cool S symbol.
The S, which is formed by drawing three sequential lines, then drawing three sequential lines of the same size underneath, and then finally connecting them all with a series of diagonal strokes, is a staple among the raddest of the rad under the age of 12. Whether you were bored in your Earth science class or bored in your algebra class, the cool S was was the go-to distraction. Not anymore, dude.
From Swastikas to runic letters, Hitler has been ruining fun-to-draw things for decades, associating sweet doodles with really uncool things like genocide, eugenics, and vegetarianism. Lucky for us, most people seem to have forgotten that Hitler also co-opted the skull as a symbol of pillaging and murder and have since been free to use it, remembering it only for it’s use among pirates who would pillage and murder.
With the cool S being a newfound symbol of white supremacy, youths across the world are forced to find something different and equally bodacious to draw. Frontrunners for new notebook doodles include spirals, stick figures, and the classic dick-n-balls. Sorry kids, it’s just not cool to be a Nazi.